Identity Shifts with @IAmHilarySilver

by Featured, Humanly Possible Podcast


In This Episode

  • Stop looking outside at all the service level stuff; start looking at yourself
  • Self-love, self-acceptance, and empowerment
  • Learn how to “live” the next level of success

Quotations From This Episode

“If we’re not choosing our identity, it’s being chosen for us.” — @IamHilarySilver

“Learn to operate in the world in a new way.” — @IamHilarySilver

“We can’t just invest in our businesses; we have to invest in ourselves.” — @IamHilarySilver

BiographyHilary Silver

Hilary Silver is the Founder + CEO of a personal growth and development company dedicated to helping women achieve profound well-being and empowering them with the identity, psychology, and mindset for extraordinary success.

She is the creator of the Love + Be Loved and Extraordinary Women Rising programs- and is one of the most sought after, acclaimed and successful therapist-coaches in the world.



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Summary Keywords

Identity, women, mindset, shift, life, program, world, success, coaches, feel, blind spot, helping, talk, deeper, therapy


Hilary Silver, Bryan Kramer

Hilary Silver  00:00

Digging in deeper to do my own work to really reprogram my own self-limiting beliefs and my mindset around success and money was a total game-changer for me.

Bryan Kramer  00:18

I’m Bryan Kramer, I believe that one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is making smaller shifts. It’s the small shifts in our lives that can create epic outcomes. Your journey to be more deeply connected to the life you truly deserve. starts right now. Welcome to humanly possible, a podcast focused on small shifts that can make epic differences in our lives. And at work. I’ll introduce our guest, who is someone that I admire and I am so honored to have on the show, we met a number of years back finally in person and just totally hit it off. Her name is Hillary, Hillary silver. I’ll talk about her just like she’s not here. But she’s here. And she’s the founder and CEO of a personal growth and development company dedicated to helping women achieve profound well-being and empowering them with the identity, psychology, and mindset for extraordinary success. She’s the creator of the love, plus beloved and extraordinary women rising programs, and is one of the most sought after acclaimed and successful therapist coaches in the world. Hillary, thank you so much for being Thanks for having me. I’m looking forward to talking. So why don’t we just dive in? I would love to know, what is the shift that you have made in your life? Small, medium, or large? That made an epic difference? Hmm.

Hilary Silver  01:52

Well, that’s such a funny question. Because I always talk about shifts. And, you know, I don’t think that mindset and identity are small by any means. But for me, I had done so much work on myself being in this field and in this industry, that I had minimized that in its importance in my life. So even though I know it’s a major thing for everyone. For me personally, this was my blind spot, I didn’t think I had any more significant heavy lifting to do. And so it wasn’t a small shift, necessarily. But when I approached it, it felt like Well, I don’t need to do my own work I’ve already done so much. So digging in deeper, to do my own work to really reprogram my own self-limiting beliefs. And my mindset around success and money was a total game-changer for me.

Bryan Kramer  02:46

Wow. Diving into that, I’d love to know, what was the circumstance? Like what triggered in your mind to allow you to have that breakthrough?

Hilary Silver  02:56

Yeah, that’s, I think many times I had many moments where it was hitting me in the face. And the first couple of times I ignored it. And then I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. Because I kept, I was trying to get my business to the next level, I was working and hustling and doing this thing and that thing, exhausting myself running around in circles, this strategy, that strategy. And, and, and I finally just stopped looking outside at all the surface level stuff. And I started to look at myself, and like, Why is this not happening for me because I do believe when things aren’t going the way we want them to it’s us. And I realized I was blocking it because I was stuck in this scarcity mindset. I was there was a lot of fear. And I think the biggest thing was I didn’t know how to live that next level. I wasn’t who I needed to be to get myself to that next level. So I had to learn to grow myself into the person capable of and believing that I was worthy of that next level of success.

Bryan Kramer  04:08

Wow. Here you are. therapist coach doing this, helping others and, you know, we’re always it’s always the cobblers kids, right. We need to be our own, I guess students or clients. You went through a period of time where you were looking at the sky going, what what is not working? And then things shifted for you. Like I know it wasn’t overnight, but it was a radical, radical shift for where you are now. Tell us about that process.

Hilary Silver  04:45

Yeah, so um, it was twofold. It was the external which was I finally focused on what I was doing from a business perspective and I got more I niche down even further. I got really exclusive about who I was going to work with. So that my messaging was it confusing to people? Because I was running a program for women. And it was about relationships. But it was like, people were asking me Well, what if you’re in a relationship? Or can it be if you’re not in one and And what if my spouse won’t participate? So it was a lot of confusion around what I was doing, which is, of course, part of my own self-sabotage, but didn’t know it. And then, and, you know, sticking to something and actually burned all my boats, let go of my brick and mortar therapy practice that I’d had for 17 years and went all in, so that there was no going back, which was also a mindset thing and getting over the fear. So it was external things. But then mostly the internal was, I just realized, I thought I had arrived when I was running this successful practice. I was working two and a half days a week, I have two little kids. I’ve got a husband I’ve been with for 17 years. I had everything I wanted. So why was this not happening? And it was because what I wanted now was more and I didn’t know how to do the more. Does that make sense? So like I, I had everything I wanted and everything I’ve ever wanted I’ve ever been, I’ve always been able to create for myself. So that’s why it was such a blind spot for me. And I was like, why is this one thing eluding me? So, um, it was really about what I realized I just was stopping myself with. You know, it’s embarrassing to even talk about it, because, but I’m going to but it was like, I kept thinking, why is this happening for everyone else? and not me? What is wrong with me that I can’t get there, quote, unquote, there to my destination? I must not have what it takes. There’s something innately wrong with me that I can’t do this. And when I heard myself saying those things, that was my cue to go in deeper, Mm-hmm. And then the belief became if they can do it, I can do it. Right that is switched.

Bryan Kramer  07:04

I did that. Yeah. Tell everybody where you’re at now. What, what, what’s come of all this?

Hilary Silver  07:09

Well, Oh, my goodness. So LOD. So I did close my practice four years ago for good, which was crazy because I never thought I would ever stop being a therapist. I love my work so much. And I even love my office so much. But it was exciting. And I finally left today, I never looked back. And I am now running exclusively the love and be loved the program, which is for highly accomplished professional women who are single, and they just are not having the same kind of success in their love lives. There’s a lot going on, that’s preventing love from happening for them. And it really is ultimately self-love, self-acceptance, and empowerment program. So that women can show up confident and certain of their worth and their value and their ability to get into relationships. And so it’s a group program. And it’s a, I mean, in the last three years, we’ve brought in like 3 million-plus in that time. And I’ve got a team of eight women who are working for me to make this all happen. And now I’m about to launch a new program, which is all of the mindset work in this program that everybody loves so much. I’m extracting that out and putting it into its own program for all women who want more health and wealth and success and abundance, not just women who want love.

Bryan Kramer  08:25

Wow. So you know, what I love about that is the program is touching on something that obviously is so well needed in this world. And I’m wondering what, what is it about this, these programs, these things, and especially mindset that that dials in that can help somebody really shift their life?

Hilary Silver  08:49

What is it about the program? Like how I do it? Or what specifically? Well,

Bryan Kramer  08:54

yeah, what’s the what is the mindset shift? I mean, obviously, without giving away the farm, but what’s the what is the shift that’s needed to create a mindset shift?

Hilary Silver  09:04

I think it’s well, we if this program is invite-only everybody who’s in there has to have a conversation with us, we want to make sure they’re capable of doing the work, we really want our 99.9% success rate. So we’re very careful about who we invite in. And what we’re looking for in clients is the ability to be coachable. meaning they’re going to be a sponge, they’re not going to resist it. If they do feel low-level resistance, they’re going to lean into it and ask for help instead of just push it away, which is part of where I was, you know, back when I was struggling to reach my it might reach my goals here, and that they’re committed and ready that it’s really they’re done with what they’ve been doing and they’re ready for different and so that’s why they’re successful. And now what we do to get them there is a deep process. It’s like a combination of the best of the therapy world and the best of the coaching world there are multiple modalities in my program because I’m both. So there’s Narrative Therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy EMDR for trauma. There are neuro reprogramming and cognitive tools and spiritual tools. It’s multiple modalities and layered upon layered, it’s a deep journey, to let go of shame and all the pieces that have people feeling not worthy. It’s they really, what we’re doing is we’re helping them redefine their identity, and learn to operate in the world in a new way, expect more from themselves of themselves themselves, and then they get it.

Hilary Silver  13:06

I mean, I think this is a whole new way of thinking about identity. You know, most of us think about identity theft, and that it’s your social security number or your FICO score or you know, your fingerprint or whatever. But really identity is what we think of ourselves, our self-concept, what we talk about how we talk to ourselves, what we believe is possible for us. So it’s a combination of your beliefs, and your mindset, and your habits. And that’s, that starts really young, when when we are learning who we are what’s expected of us. So implicit messages from our childhood, both parents and grandparents, or the environment we’re growing up in and explicit messages. So So meaning implicit messages are those that are implied. And explicit are literally they’ve been said to you. And like we don’t do those things, or, you know, that kind of stuff. And it’s it forms our psychology. But if we’re not choosing our identity, it’s been chosen for us, or we chose it when we were young before we knew better. And so we really help women pause and reclaim what that is for themselves.

Bryan Kramer  14:15

And I know that you’re focused on women, is this the same for men?

Hilary Silver  14:26

Absolutely. Part of my secret to success was honing in and not helping everyone. But I know men need this just as much as women do. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Bryan Kramer  14:36

Yeah. And I would imagine that that and it’s interesting that you’re talking about this because for me it was like a shedding well as a shedding of weight but also a shedding of what you’re talking about have a mental mindset in order to actually shed the weight that I took off is it feels cathartic as it’s coming off, but the To get there is the hard part. Yes, it is the decision to do it.

Hilary Silver  15:05

And to live life as this new Bryan, who doesn’t ever do those things anymore. So part of my practice, when I was a therapist, I had a nine-year relationship with one of the top bariatric surgeons in Denver, and I did all his psyche bowels. So women and men both would say, Gosh, I lost 100 pounds, but I still walk in the room and feel like the fat girl in the room. Those that that’s identity. So you have to change the inner world for the outer results, to stay and to be sustainable. You have to think about yourself in a new way. The Bryan that was 60 pounds overweight, his whole life, or for however long is not the same, Brian, that you are now. And you can’t go back to that old Brian. He can’t, not if you want to stay fit and healthy and keep going down this path. So that’s that identity change.

Bryan Kramer  16:02

And that is exactly where I’m going. And I will never go back. I can I can totally get that. Let’s, let’s leave this with this. One last question of what’s next for you? How, what’s the next shift that you would like to make?

Hilary Silver  16:19

I’m always working on myself and my big lesson was that I’ve never done right, that’s what I learned. So I’m the Hillary that got that allowed me to have that successful therapy practice work two and a half days a week, making six figures was not the same Hillary that got me here. And I cannot be the same Hillary that’s going to get me to eight figures. So I’m just continuing to grow my identity, to push the limits of what I think is possible for me. And how I see myself how I can conduct myself how I operate in my life, continuing to all these different parts of my identity, that like being a mom and a wife, and as well as a CEO, and managing all of that at once how I’m going to do that. So for me, it’s my whole thing is you have to be who you need to be to get what it is that you want. It’s not what you’re doing. It’s who you’re being. And so I’m just watching that all the time. And I have people in my life who are challenging me to get there. So I think it’s important. We can’t just invest in our businesses, we have to invest in ourselves. Right? It’s not the same thing. I’m so happy that you are in my life and our lives and show up this way in the world. And thank you so much for being on the show and giving everybody a taste of what and who Hillary is. And I can’t wait to watch it. All of these things come to you. You deserve them on more. Oh, thank you. Thanks for giving me the chance to share my story.

Bryan Kramer  17:52

You got it. We’ll talk to you soon. Thank you so much for joining us this week. If you love this episode, please subscribe. We love having subscribers just like you download a few more episodes and if you feel moved, we would so appreciate a review. I’d love to also hear your key takeaway what impacted you from this episode? You can tweet me your answer and reach out on Twitter at Bryan Kramer. That’s Brian with the Y cream with a K. And definitely be sure to join us in our Facebook group we have just under 3000 humans just like you and me, looking to connect even more in perfectly. Until next time